he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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