I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
