he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
