He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
