If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
