I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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