on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I am mentally ready for anal.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
