Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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