Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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