My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dick very happy bro
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
