thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
