# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
