I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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