what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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