I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
