You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
