I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
