I don't usually arrange sex via text message
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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