took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
