just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
