ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
