At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
