dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
this hospital has no fireball
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
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