nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
