and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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