.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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