Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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