I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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