if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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