my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
