we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's never too late to be topless.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
