Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my being single is dangerous.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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