Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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