How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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