just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Oh god it's open bar.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
