Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
