I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
