She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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