I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
