Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
