blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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