Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
