I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
