i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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