I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
