Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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