Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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