I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
