PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
