Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
