her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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